Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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