this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
