just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
