I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
