the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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