I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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