I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
