i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
