Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
