What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
