I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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