Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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