What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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