Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
