i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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