After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
