How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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