I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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