The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
