How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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