You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
