textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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