Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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