got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
