Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
