my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
