so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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