First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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