TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
