why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
