He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
