Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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