so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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