there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
