i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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