so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
