He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You dont lie about slip and slides
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
