oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Holy sore nipples Batman
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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