can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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