i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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