i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
