Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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