he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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