mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
