Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
