Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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