took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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