I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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