I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
