I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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