I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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