we're chasing vodka with high fives
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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