I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you never un-have a 4some
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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