And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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