Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
