In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
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My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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