you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize