This girl is more easily done than said...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
